#PTP
Aiyoo Shardha!
Nileema was in a dilemma. The kitchen sink was over flowing with dishes, the khichdi was uncooked, the washing machine refused to wash clothes ( it seemed to be aping the god damn printer) and Shardha was late, again!
‘Tringgggg’ rang the door bell. It was Madam Shardha, strutting in a good hour and fifteen minutes late. Nileema looked at Shardha with both a feeling of relief ( as she could get on with her day) and disgust at the manner in which Shardha- Her Highness, waltzed in!
‘Shardha, where were you?? I am running late- no thanks to you.’
Shardha stared at her mistress, then offered.
‘Madame, that melya * decided to come home at 3 am! That too after drinking like a fish. He made a racket, wanted dinner at 3 am, and ended up waking up Roshni who had been studying till midnight for her board paper today! So, I gave him some drama. I hit him with the mosquito racket for creating a racket. But the mosquito racket broke. Then I chased him with the belan*and put him to bed!’
‘So why did you land up late at my door?,’ continued Nileema.
‘ The wretch woke up and hit me with the hockey stick. See madam, I am limping,’ Shardha complained.
‘Well, okay, okay! Carry on with your chores,’ ordered Nileema.
‘I can see you stick your tongue out at me, Shardha! You see, I have eyes at the back of my head,’ said Nileema. I have half an hour to get my presentation ready and then I have leave for office.’
‘Rahul, get your butt to the school bus! What are you doing, dilly dallying in dadi’s room?,’ questioned Nileema.
‘B-but mummy, Dadi was telling me a story…..’ protested eight year old Rahul.
‘Leave her be. Dadi has all the time in the world to tell you stories. But you and I have things to do!’, so saying Nileema shot a filthy glance at her paralyzed mother-in- law, Ratna, who was confined to a bed in a bed- room adjoining the kitchen. Shardha made an action with her hands, signalling to Ratna that her mistress was mad. All knowing Nileema caught on to that as well.
‘Shardha, get on with your work. I am not mad. It’s people like you and you- know- who ( meaning her mother-in- law) that drive me crazy!’, grumbled Nileema.
Fifteen minutes later Nileema emerged from her room, only to find the khichdi burning on the stove top and Shardha busy listening to ‘Munni badnam huin’ on the radio! She had been gyrating to the beat, much to the amusement of Ratna, who was guffawing, then coughing from exertion.
‘Aiyoo Shardha, stop shaking your big backside and keep an eye on my lunchhhh,’ yelled Nileema.
Shardha was truly caught up with ‘Munni’ so she didn’t really hear or seem to hear Nileema at the time. Nileema sent the radio flying across the room. That stopped Shardha, her heavy back side and bosom right in her tracks.
‘Aiyeeeee, what have you done, Madam? How will I spend the time in this quiet- quiet house? I need the radio. Now it is broken and looks worse than my beat up knee! I am used to noisy neighbourhoods. Where I stay, we all wake to an old uncle blowing his nose and cleaning his throat, no, stomach. He creates such a racket that the cock took voluntary retirement. We don’t need alarm clocks. We have such small homes that every domestic fight becomes our entertainment. We don’t need Petflic, I mean Netflix or anything of that sort. Husband- wife, or wife and mother-in-law dishum dishum is our entertainment. Now how will I work without the radio?’
So saying, Shardha plonked herself on the floor, and began acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
‘What do you mean, how will you work without a radio? What has the radio to do with your chores? Was there a contract I signed somewhere that mentioned the use of a radio? My lunch is burnt and let me check the vessels… Oof ! The vessels are greasy . A certain US president can find oil in the pan, after you have claimed to have washed it! Is this how you work? I think I pay you a pretty good amount for the ten hours you give us! I see you have porridge on the stove that seems perfectly fine. So you can make her( pointing to Ratna) porridge perfectly well but you burn my khichdi?? Answer me, Shardha!’, said Nileema.
Shardha continued to sit on the floor, banging her legs like a petulant child.‘Forget it, I will just order something to eat.’So saying, Nileema picked up the radio, threw it in the dustbin, packed up her laptop and got ready for office. Shardha had been hired by Neelima’s merchant navy husband, mainly to take care of his paralyzed mother, Ratna. It was Nileema who burdened Shardha with extra chores. Watching Nileema getting ready for work, Shardha swiftly got up, winked at Ratna, deftly poured a bowl of porridge and began spooning it to Ratna.
Nileema stepped out and immediately got splashed by a car’s tyre hitting a puddle. She distinctly heard giggles coming from her home.
‘ Maids, you can’t live with them but you certainly cannot function without them,’ Nileema concluded.
*melya- Marathi slang word meaning wretch.
*belan- rolling pin
Picture credit: Shutterstock.com
