The Supreme Commander of an unnamed country was relaxing in his well appointed office, feet resting on his well polished desk. The elections were over and he was fully expecting to be reelected in a landslide. Snoring lightly, he dreamt of being Commander for life, lording it over the nation, banishing his numerous enemies to the dungeons…
His fantasies were interrupted by an aide who burst into the room, his face looking as if he was in danger of an imminent cardiac event.
“Sir! Sir! Terrible news, sir!”
The Supreme Commander was on his feet in an instant. “What is it? Spit it out, man.”
The aide trembled. “The results are in and we have lost comprehensively, Sir. Practically the entire country has voted against you. The numbers are massive–”
Tearing at his neatly trimmed beard, the Supreme Commander roared, “how is that possible? We took measures to ensure my comprehensive victory!”
“Yes sir. I don’t know what could have happened sir. I am sorry–” But the Supreme Commander was pacing the room like a caged tiger, muttering to himself. “I feared this. The stars were not well placed. Mars was in a malefic quadrant. Now I’m out of power, I will have to flee to a friendly country! ”
He snatched up the telephone. “Get me the President of the USA — no, Russia — wait, let me think –”
THREE DAYS PREVIOUSLY
It was 4 AM and night covered the land. In a quiet back lane, the air shimmied like Nora Fatehi doing an item number, and a portal opened up. A strange, non-Earthly craft materialised.
Normally, this wouldn’t be an event of great significance. Earth is very regularly visited by aliens seeking to be entertained by the antics of human beings, whom they consider to be the morons of the Universe. However…
Two human-shaped aliens disembarked from the craft, arguing with each other in low, heated voices.
“I told you we should have taken a right at Venus, Zleedestra! Damn other-gender drivers!”
“That’s SO sexist! I’m going to report you to HR when we get back home, Fleegevitz, you dinosaur. But look, I’m starving. What are the chances of this place having Zleebrox dispensers?
“Every planet has Zleebrox dispensers. I read it up on Zoogle. How about this?” They were standing outside a booth which contained a little machine with buttons, connected to a device with keys. “This looks promising. Let me try –”
The alien placed a finger on the gadget and his advanced alien brain went to work. “Hmm, not a Zleebrox dispenser after all. Weird thing, it’s not working properly. Not just that, there are similar compromised units all over this country.”
“What? That is weird.”
“I know. Shall we fix it for them?”
“Why not? Let’s fix ALL of them. Easily enough done, the systems are dirt primitive around here.”
“Let’s do it. Our good deed for the day. HR will be pleased! What IS the machine for, anyway?”
“Beats me. What’s an EVM?”
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