The Love Lost
Little Bina ran, her rubber slippers flipflopping against her feet- schlup, schlup….., past the small hockey ground, past the unkept patch of grass, and went straight into the kitchen.
‘Amma, Amma’. Her mother was bent low over the sink, scrubbing the heavy pan with all her might, hair strewn across untidily over her brows.
‘Amma, Scampy has got puppies, Amma! She has burrowed a hole in the mud near the big rock at the Officers’ mess. Six puppies Amma! I saw them, eyes closed and trying to bury themselves into Scampy’s tummy. I saw them, Amma!’
‘That’s nice, Bina’, Amma replied. Now, go and take your bath. Later on, it will become cold, and I won’t have space on the gas stove for heating water. Now go fast, before the day starts getting cold’.
Six puppies!! Bina ran to the burrow after school every day and every morning on holidays, taking scraps of her uneaten lunch for the tired and hungry looking Scampy. She wished that Amma would feed some rice and milk to Scampy when she hesitantly tiptoed home, making whining noises. Amma would sometimes give her the leftover rice with some curd or with ghee. Scampy would not eat the rice plain. But when Amma was in a foul mood, which seemed to be always, Scampy would get nothing.
‘Baba, all these puppies are female. See the dark brown one? Only he is a male.’ The watchman at the Officers’ mess told Bina while turning over the puppies and examining their bellies.
‘So what if they are female? Soon they will open their eyes and will start romping around’.
The watchman laughed. ‘Female puppies are always troublesome,baba. In another six months, they will give birth to another litter just like your Scampy. Male puppies are much better’.
Bina did not agree, but kept silent.
Days passed. The puppies left their mother’s bosom, and frolicked around with gusto. They soon started following Bina and Scampy to Bina’s house, and learnt begging for scraps. When Amma was not in the kitchen, Bina would stealthily take some milk in a glass and feed them.
One day Amma caught her. ‘You stupid girl! As it is I have to make sure that this milk is enough for making coffee three times and for setting curd for the next day. Now these puppies! One dog itself is too much, now you have brought the entire litter here!’
But Appa laughed and said ‘let her play with them. Poor girl has no friends’.
Days further passed. The watchman took the male puppy and said that he will keep him. A couple of puppies mysteriously disappeared. And Amma allowed the sentry at the golf club to take another two away. Little Bina cried, loud sobs choking her throat. But Amma said, ‘You know you can’t take care of all of them. See now, you have one puppy left, this beautiful spotted one. You can look after one puppy better. And Scampy is always here’.
So, little Bina was left with the little puppy – with black and white spots all over her body. ‘Spotty’, Bina named her very originally.
Scampy soon got tired of Spotty and started growling and snapping at her when she tried to play with her or even come near. Scampy would desert her for long lengths of time, searching for greener pastures, and Spotty would be left behind with Bina whining in distress.
However, Spotty would not stay still. After getting tired of playing with Bina, she would start looking around for Scampy and try to follow her. Scampy would run fast, and Spotty would scamper behind her, as fast as her small legs would allow. Very often, Scampy would soon be out of sight and Spotty would sit down and wail mournfully. Bina would then pick her up and bring her home.
‘Why Amma, why does she run behind Scampy when she knows that Scampy does not want her around?’
‘Well, Scampy is her mother and she misses her, just like how you are always looking around for me. Now put her down and wash your hands. How many times should I tell you Bina not to touch that dog. She is dirty’.
‘Not as dirty and dingy as this house’. Bina thought resentfully.
Amma and Appa were going to some dinner party at Mrs. Malhotra’s house. Amma had not wanted to go, saying that she has no decent saree to wear, and that all other ladies would come dressed in their smartest finery. But Mr. Malhotra was Appa’s boss, and Appa had insisted. And then after their usual bitter and loud fight, Amma had draped herself in her maroon silk saree, which she had worn for Arun mama’s wedding, Ammu’s birthday party and her school annual day, and they had left.
This was little Bina’s happy time. She got into her warm bed with Spotty, fed her the parathas which Amma had made for her dinner. She made a cave out of her blanket and slept inside with Spotty. The little puppy licked her face and buried her small body into Bina’s tummy. Bina put her arm around her and held her tight. Her heart overflowed with love and happiness. ‘You are my sweet dear puppy’, she crooned. ‘I will love you forever and forever’. And then Bina heard the sound of her father’s old scooter, and rushed outside to the verandah to leave a confused and sad Spotty there.
‘Amma, tomorrow, my school is going for a picnic. Everybody will bring cakes and sandwiches. Please give me nice food. I don’t want to take idlis or curd rice. And I also want a new dress and sweater to wear, all the kids will be wearing good clothes. And I need some money to buy ice cream’.
‘As if money grows on trees’, her mother responded testily. If you want to live like a princess, tell your father to bring a bigger salary’. Then Amma became quiet, got up and dropped a kiss on Bina’s head. She went to the bathroom and picked up the bucket of clothes soaking in the detergent, squatted and started beating them one by one with pent up angry force. Bina looked at her, huddled down, her fingers old and creased in the cold water.
Amma always wore that same woollen blouse which she had knitted with the left over wool, after Bina’s sweater to bear with the cold. Her hands were always in the cold freezing water, washing clothes or dishes or the verandah. When, one day, Bina had asked Amma why they did not have a maid like her other classmates, Amma had muttered about having married a pauper. Bina sometimes felt very bad for Amma, and wished that Appa would get nice things home for her and make her happy. But then whilst she was having these thoughts, Amma would shout at her about something or other and Bina would start hating her again.
In the morning, little Bina snuggled up to Spotty when Amma was not looking. ‘I will come back soon’, she whispered into the fur. And then she wore the one dress she owned, took the old lunch bag from Amma and ran towards the bus stop. ‘Amma, don’t forget to feed Spotty her lunch, please please’. Amma smiled and waved bye.
‘Why do you wear the same dress and sweater everywhere? This sweater is the school uniform. Why can’t you wear something else?’ Seema sitting beside her on the grass asked her. ‘This is my favourite dress, that’s why’, Bina replied. ‘Just like Spotty. My most favourite and bestest friend’, she thought.
Bina opened her lunch box and ate her forlorn idlis while all around her the children were sharing cakes, chocolates and sandwiches. She shook her head in refusal when she was offered some, looking down on her idlis with last night’s coconut chutney which had gone rancid, knowing she could not offer them to the others in return.
She stood at the sidelines, watching her classmates laugh loudly and run around the big park, buying soft drinks and ice creams. And a deep sense of shame and inadequacy filled her.
When Bina reached home, she looked around the verandah, and yelled out for Spotty and the little pup came bounding fast, across the patch of grass and jumped on her, whining and licking. Bina felt the tears springing from her eyes and picked her up, ‘my Spotty, my favourite and my bestest friend’.
‘Put the dog down and wash your hands’, Amma yelled. But Bina ignored her and after a while Amma went inside.
Every afternoon, Bina would rush from the bus stop, throw her schoolbag on the verandah and yell for Spotty and she would appear from wherever she was, galloping towards Bina with frenzy and jumping on her.
And then one day, she did not.
‘Spotty, Spotty’, Bina yelled her lungs out, but Spotty did not appear. ‘Amma, Amma. Spotty is not around’, she cried in anguish. ‘She will come soon’, Amma replied not looking up from the stove. ‘She must have gone somewhere to play’.
But Spotty did not come. Little Bina sat on the steps to the verandah, her heart despondent and broken.
‘Bina, I saw your puppy’, her neighbour Harish came running at her. She was running behind Scampy and they ran to the main road. I think she got hit by a truck.
Bina’s blood ran cold. She sprinted to the main road, Harish behind her. The army trucks were zipping fast, one behind the other.
‘See, see’, Harish yelled, pointing to the middle of the road. When there was a gap between the trucks, Bina ran to the middle of the road, and Scampy appeared next to her. And there little Spotty lay, her lifeless bloodied body broken and spilling out. Scampy smelled her and started whining, a soft piteous and low moan. Bina stared, her own heart ripped into a thousand pieces, her eyes too dry. She hugged Scampy and looked down at this sweet broken body which had loved her unconditionally and with no judgement.
‘Get out of there. You will also get killed’, Harish yelled from the pavement, and Bina and Scampy ran towards him, not knowing what to do, the trucks behind her running again and again over her heart.
‘Amma, Amma’, Bina ran to her mother and sobbed, holding tightly to her waist. ‘Spotty died Amma. The trucks ran over her. She is gone Amma!! GONE’.
Amma looked at her with distress. ‘It is okay. You will get over her. You will get other dogs. And you will forget her. Its okay’.
Thirty years on, I type this. I have not forgotten my favourite. And it is NOT okay.
