The Happily Never After Slip-Up
I never knew losin’ footwear could ‘ave such catastrophic consequences.
One missin’ slipper imprisons me for life, eh?
Unfair, ain’t it?
Well, I ‘ave always been clumsy. Careless too. But I would get away with a scoldin’, a couple o’ insults or sometimes, a good beatin’.
Nothin’ to fuss about.
I mean, if I burnt me sister’s favourite dress while ironin’ it, she would be mad an’ get me spanked, eh?
Or if I got us all locked out of da ‘ouse after a visit to da market, droppin’ da key amidst piles of oranges, I would be called names, innit?
Not to forget da time I left da window open an’ da burnin’ cinders flew onto da carpet, causin’ a fire. It would ‘ave burnt down the ‘ouse ‘ad the neighbour not seen da smoke in time. I was banished to the attic for a day, but they ‘ad to let me out cos’ the dishes ‘ad piled up in the sink.
But done no long-term sufferin’ !
An’ so, how would I fathom that losin’ one slipper in ‘aste could bring upon me years of agony,eh?
That piece o’ shimmerin’ junk was so uncomfortable that it made grape-sized blisters on me toes. When it fell from me foot, I swear I ‘eard the collective sigh o’ relief from all five trapped phalanges.
The digits got freed. I got caged.
Caged in a palace with decorated dungeons ain’t my cuppa tea.
Buried under layers of frills and laces ,curtsyin’ a hundred times a day sure kills me.
Suffocated in corsets that poke me ribs, squeeze da life out o’ me.
And the worst, shackled to a man who bores me to death.
I long for me earlier life!
I could sing and dance at me will an’ laugh aloud at the silly antics o’ me stepsisters.
I could sneeze loudly an’ wipe me nose with me apron without a care.
I could sneak out for a smoke when I wanted.
I slaved away, but I was free to be me.
Now I’m a slave to royal tomfoolery.
All dis when all I wanted was to ‘ave some fun.
It ain’t abnormal for a girl like me to cry because she ain’t allowed to go to da grandest party in town. So, when me wish was answered, I was over da moon.I was to dance a bit, flirt with the ‘ansum guys and sip some exotic wine.
But that pillock o’ a prince got obsessed with me.
He wouldn’t let me go despite me tellin’ him to. Red flag, I tell ya!
At midnight, I just stamped on ‘is foot and ran.
But da friggin’ glass slipper!
I curse me for leavin’ it there.
It gave me away, bloody ‘ell!
Why didn’t the damn ‘fing disappear with the gown, the chariot or da ‘orsemen?
An’ them girlies fink it’s a ‘appily ever after!
‘Da cinders was ‘eaven, not dis over-rated prison, me love!!
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